Driving into town today brought back a very specific memory. I won't ever forget the time I drove into Nashville from a trip with my best friend (yes we wrote on the trip :) - and literally hit the city limits and was overwhelmed with anxiety and stress - I almost felt sick. Today I didn't feel that... Although sometimes I feel like a circus act trying to balance teaching bootcamp classes with writing songs, producing, singing out and training on my own - I can't complain because I have a deep love for each of these things. I'm trying to realize my blessings.
Still I am constantly searching for balance and my purpose. Does my purpose encompass all of these things? Is it merely writing songs? WHY am I here? What kind of impact will I leave behind? Will these songs and these words be enough? I get caught up in asking these questions, and as I was going through songs tonight I ran across one that I wrote with a dear friend Shane Hines called "That's How God Works." I plugged it up to my speakers and listened as Shane's awesome voice poured through the room singing the words and music that came from our hearts on the day that we wrote it. And it was enough. That one song - those simple words and melody were enough for me to say - it's all worth it. The toil, the sweat, the heartache, the struggle, the conflict... all worth it because of one song. Because I listen and I hear Shane's story and my story - all of our stories - and I know there's a purpose. I just have to have faith.
This life and what I do may never make complete sense. In a weird way - I kind of hope it never does because that leaves some mystery and room for growth. Here is the song that we wrote called That's How God Works I hope you can hear my heart in this song, and Shane's. Maybe you'll even hear yours.
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That’s How God Works
Megan Conner/Shane Hines
2.27.12
I put my faith in this old guitar
In the words I write from a tangled heart
Chasing paper dreams and lipstick smiles
Sure I’ve had some peace of mind
Days I couldn’t feel much higher
Couldn’t find one damn cloud in that ocean sky
But honestly most days
I just sit around and wait
For the blanket of the night to fall
When it’s just me and the alcohol
I know I’ve made some big mistakes
Things I can’t change, I can’t shake
But somehow I always end up okay
Cuz it’s about more than me
And when I fall down to my knees
I feel His arms wrap around the hurt
I guess that’s how God works
Growing up I was told
I’d never amount to much but now I know
That all those words made me who I am
I bet mama’s looking down
Wonder what she thinks about me now
A man full of faults doing the he best can
I know I’ve made some big mistakes
Things I can’t change, I can’t shake
But somehow I always end up okay
Sometimes when I’m alone at night
I swear she whispers it’s alright
I feel her arms wrap around the hurt
I guess that’s how God works
I’ve done a lot of wrong
But there’s one thing that I’ve done right
And looking into my son’s honey brown eyes
I know I’ve made some big mistakes
Things I can’t change, I can’t shake
But somehow I always end up okay
Cuz it’s about more than me
So much more than me
His little smile wraps around the hurt
I guess that’s how God works
