“Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand that this too, was a gift.” - Mary Oliver
Music is a gift. I also think that it's a curse. A creative mind yearns to share dreams, receive love and craves acknowledgement. Music can push you and push people away. It can be your breath, your food... it can seep out of your pores. It can drive you mad. It has left me lonely yet so full. Having this career as a chosen path is a paradox. I sometimes feel like music is the only thing that loves me back but despises me at the same time. Music is the only thing I can count on that when I give to it - it gives back to me. And yet sometimes, we as musicians, have very little to show for ourselves.
I don't want to believe that this is all I have. I don't want to think that the the sounds of guitars and lyrics are the only things that love me back. I don't want to think that in the lonely hours all that I have are words and melodies to wrap their arms around me. I want to believe that there is a love out there so deep and rich, drenched in passion and heart waiting for me. I want to believe that there is someone out there who will give to me and I to them with abandon...who needs me like they need breath and I need them like water....
I have seen a glimpse of this in some people I have met, but it seems something always unravels. Hence where music can be the greatest gift. A little gift of lyric that Shane and I were given are these 2 lines in our song "Into Goodbye..."
No one tells you people fall in and out like rain
I found the hard way how a heart can break
Without broken hearts, we would never know what love is. Without the dark, we wouldn't know the light.
But all is not broken and all is not dark! I have met many people over the years that are "gifts." A smile, a touch, a gesture... many have left tattoos on my heart for life. For that, I am truly grateful. I can only hope that I am that to some people as well.
As musicians - every once in awhile, God gives us a gift in a song. When I get one of these - most times I listen back through the work tape and re-read the lyrics and have no idea where they came from. The only explanation is straight from God. Shane and I recently had this happen - last week to be exact. This song really defines what it's like to be a musician and to be left with only God and music. It's called "God and My Guitar." Gifts like this song make all of the heartache so worth it.
You can hear it here, but please know that it's in work tape form which means it's a rough version - God and My Guitar.
God and My Guitar
Megan Conner/Shane Hines
7.24.13
I ran her off to New York City
The girl I loved the girl so pretty
Couldn’t make her my wife, couldn’t take it that far
Now all I got is God and my guitar
Couldn’t drink enough to get my fill
I was running like hell but standing still
Finally swore off the stuff and left the bar
Now I’m left with God and my guitar
All I need is to be
Strumming my heart on worn out ol six string
Listening to God whispering in my ear
Son, have no fear
Yeah life gets tough and life gets hard
Sure as the moon and the stars
Always got God and my guitar
Met a brand new girl who’d make me feel alright
Not for forever, just for tonight
But I changed my mind on the way to the car
Headed home with God and my guitar
All I need is to be
Strumming my heart on worn out ol six string
Listening to God whispering in my ear
Son, have no fear
Yeah life gets tough and life gets hard
Sure as the moon and the stars
Always got God and my guitar
Haven’t been alone since age 15
Was scared of being left so I’d just leave
No amount of nothing could heal the scars
Till I found God and my guitar
All I need is to be
Strumming my heart on worn out ol six string
Listening to God whispering in my ear
Son, have no fear
Yeah life gets tough and life gets hard
Now I see light where there was dark
All thanks to God and my guitar
I like to believe that I've learned a few things over the course of my lifetime so far. I know that I have much more to learn, but every year and even every day - I learn something new or re-learn something old. The quote that I posted at the top of the blog rings true to the core. Everything in this life is a gift - in the very darkest and loneliest of days and nights - if you look closely enough - you will find a light. It might be trapped under a stone or squashed in a corner, but it's there, and it's good. It's a gift.
