I'm Addicted to Netflix

I'm not proud to say it, but I might have a Netflix addiction.  Okay, I DO have a Netflix addiction.  Cocaine is to Kurt Kobain as Netflix is to me.  Right now my drug of choice is Law and Order SVU - didn't see that one comin' now did ya?!  :)  Oh, don't worry - I've been through Dexter, Madmen, How I Met Your Mother... (among others)  but these days Detective Stabler, Detective Benson and I are pretty much BFFs. They fight crime on the streets, me from my big red couch.

I might as well go ahead and get it out in the open as well... I might also be addicted to adult gummy vitamins and peanut butter.  There, I said it. I feel better.  Actually, to be even more specific with my addiction - I'll go so far as to tell you the BRAND of PB that I can literally drink... It's called "Better'n Peanut Butter" from Trader Joe's - and let me tell you - it IS better'n peanut butter!!!!!!  If this can of PB was a man - we would be happily married with 3 kids and 2 dogs by now.  We might even have a stereotypical white picket fence.

All of the above is true.  I seriously laid on my couch and watched - oh, I don't think I'm ready to come clean with just how many episodes...... but we'll just say "quite a few" all weekend long.  Now, I did happen to take 2 hot yoga classes - 2.5 hours of steaming hot, sweaty yoga, which required 3 changes of clothes, and then I was so tired and dehydrated on Saturday I could do nothing but watch the detectives fight the bad guys.  So, there's my excuse for Saturday...but Sunday?  No excuse.

I kind of had a wakeup call Monday because I felt like a lost a couple days of my life.  Now, there's certainly nothing wrong with being a vegetable for a weekend, but I found myself to be a bit lonely, missing something, questioning what I'm doing and where I'm at.  Of course, I had my mushy monkey dog to keep me company.  For those of you who don't know her...allow me introduce my lovely little Zoe...

I mean, c'mon!!  Look at that face - life isn't THAT bad!  

But as I was talking to a co-writer today - we were speaking about the music business.  I used to be in fitness full-time where my focus was on everyone else all day long.  I would go in and give 100% and expect nothing less than that back from my students.  Everything from the routines I would make up to the music I chose was for THEM.  And when I moved to Nashville and started in music - I realized this biz is about one person - it becomes all about YOU. You pretty much have to to survive. It becomes about what you look like, sound like, act like, what others think about you, what you wear, what you say, how you're perceived, what you hear around town, your reputation, your past, your future...  And, I have to say - music doesn't give back as much as we as writers and artists give to it.  As hard as it, it has taught me more about myself - the good, bad and the VERY ugly - than anything else in my life.  

It forces you to find who you are and what you're made of and the things you turn to when you have nothing else - Netflix, anyone?  :)  I have wanted to get in my car and drive as far as I could away from Nashville more times that I can think of, but then I have moments where I have gotten teared up in a writing session, covered in chills because of what is being created.  It's amazing.  

More than anything - I'm learning to savor those moments. Because THAT is what life is about.  Cheesy, but true. The moments when something is coming from inside you and seeing it come alive, the moments when you catch someone smiling while you're singing one of your songs, the moments when someone says thank you, the moment when you KNOW you've made a difference... I'm getting jazzed just writing this!  It's easy to say, but I think going through loneliness and tough times really makes you realize what is truly important.  

We can't find happiness in what we do - only in who we are and what we give to others. Go ahead and feel free to quote me on that! Ha! Life is tough - as I get older it gets easier and harder at the same time, but I continually seek happiness - it's what we all want.  So, I try to focus on those amazing moments day in and day out, but seriously - I still find a little happiness (ok, maybe a lot) in my Netflix, gummyvites and peanut butter.

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Oh, and since I was talking about cocaine earlier - I'll leave you with one more picture.  Here's one of Zoe.  Most people ask if she's been snorting coke, but don't worry, folks, it's just sand.